Open Letter to the Absent Parent

Absent parent - this isn't for the faint of heart

Your child knows you, gives you a warm welcome and calls you Mommy or Daddy. Granted you've been in your child's life inconsistently, your presence has been sparse but your child knows you. This isn't because you've made an impact the handful of times you've seen your child, this is because the parent raising said child is speaking about you in a positive tone. The parent that is parenting is teaching your child love versus hate, love is not only easier to teach but healthier for the mind, body and soul. Instead of playing the victim as the absent parent, why don't you as the parent learn to co-parent? Have you for one second placed aside your egotistical narcissistic behavior and actually thought to yourself, my child is happy and healthy let's give the other parent a break and be nice, cooperative, kind, because they are raising our children.

It's mind boggling to me that some parents behave in such an atrocious demeanor. How they are influenced and encouraged by others to behave in an horrendous manner or enable them to play the victim, this dysfunctional cycle feeds their ego. However chaotic this type of behavior may be, its validation for the absent parent, creates self worth but it's at the expense of the children and the other parents sanity. What they don't understand or choose to comprehend is that it's easier to be a nice person, it's better for the child to see two parents co-parenting, talking and getting along. The children want and need to see a healthy role models in their lives, we as parents are setting up the foundation of our children's lives, what is acceptable and unacceptable. Co-parenting isn't just about the parents getting along its about how our children view relationships in their own lives. What needs to be seen and taught is having mutual respect, a disrespectful one is unacceptable, self worth is of the utmost importance, we are instilling their core values.

Unfortunately you can't co-parent with this type of parent, this is when Parallel Parenting comes into play, there's no sharing of the child's joy with the other parent because they really don't care.

They aren't really interested because it takes the limelight away from them, yes, the parent is jealous that they weren't the one creating the moment or part of it. A parent is suppose to be selfless, when you have a child, it's no longer about you, it's about your child, their wants and needs NOT yours.

What I recommend when dealing with a parent that is difficult, do not play games and don't get sucked into their shenanigans. Find a cost effective attorney because that's how they will communicate with you, even though they are telling everyone that they're contacting you regularly. Most importantly don't discontinue talking in a positive light about your ex to your children. At the end of day, hate is to great of a burden to carry, love is light, bright and will make for a happier childhood which in turn will be better for the kids psychologically.